Greatest Hits

by Rebel Yell

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Four Years of funky ass party music. Crafted entirely by Critical Jim and El te Gringo with rugged drum beats and organic guitar sounds and a few wildcards thrown in. Jim and Gringo spit their relentess discourse over this genre defying record leaving you with nothing but laughs and good feelings.


released June 13, 2008

All songs written, produced and forgotten by John Vogan & Dustin Karsin



Some rights reserved. Please refer to individual track pages for license info.


Rebel Yell Winnipeg, Manitoba

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Track Name: Environmental Science
Environmental Science

Critical Jim
My mind is environmental science, it’s like cooking without the appliance
Hey babe, you got one in the oven? Where’s your husband?
Come with me and I’ll make you some dinner
But I’m over aggravated and a nightly sinner
So maybe you should stay away for good huh?
Then it won’t be shoulda coulda woulda.
I like to kill people, I’m a bouncer,
It was recommended by my guidance counselor
That sonofabitch ignorant prick, I’d like to show him a bit of my politic
But hicks don’t mix with politics (Thanks Kiedis), they’re just a quick stitch for the bitching rich. Itchin addiction, causing friction and conniptions

El Te Gringo
Like Johnny X I like environmental science, too bad Kyoto didn’t have no compliance
All because of Bush’s defiance, wasting fossil fuels on Dodge (Plymouth?) Reliants
We need to reform the system, relearn the lessons cause I think we missed em
Ride your bike, take the bus, carpool to work and forget the fuss
We need to move on to new ideas, save the fish and save the cheetahs (first things first!)
Think about this in your comfy home, you could save the world all alone.

Critical Jim
Fuck science, I’m all about religion, I look to god to make my decision
Fuck god (no he didn’t!) where the hell is he when I need him,
Its like a fairy tale that I don’t even believe in
Seasons change and it seems deranged that I need to change my beliefs to say my opinion
What is his dominion? I think I found it in the back of my civic
Fuck Karsin, and his rules and regulations, I like to eat beef and wait for menstruation
Can’t play metal so you settle for some punk rock
Critical Jim and his nasty ass skunk socks
Pause, give me a minute, the limits infinite when I’m in it
If there was a trophy I’d win it, and if there was a chorus I’d say sing it

El Te Gringo
Every single dollar that you spend at the mall, helps to promote another nations fall
You gotta question the company you’re supporting,
Start questioning this logo you’re sporting
Quit watching TV cause its boring, get educated stop ignoring
GMOs, tainted beef, animal rights and aid relief
And there’s kids dying in other nations
We support them(their death) through corporations
We gotta change our attitude change our view, fuck the old way we want new
Environmental regulations, fair trade, a decent minimum wage, help for the hungry
It all starts at home.
Track Name: Dayoh!

Critical Jim
Hello my friends, so good to see you again
I forget all your names, but you’re probably lame anyway
I pulled up to your family reunion, with my brand new stereo system booming
Please explain to your parents I’m a vegetarian,
They haven’t looked so embarrassed since they visited the cesarean
The baby was black when it should’ve been white
Your dad had a heart attack, your mom remembered the night
Anyways the scene at the dinner was -
“Did you know a lack of protein makes you thinner?”
No I didn’t, maybe thats why I’m bigger than any weight watcher beginner
And got a figure 8 figure bitch!
Meet the parents mister, do you got a job, school, brother and sister?
What is this a Spanish inquisition on my ass?
I gotta myself outta this impossible mission fast

El Te Gringo
Daddy eats the beef and Daddy eats the bacon
Parks in the handicap the rest were taken
Duty calls as he hits the mall to buy a present for his daughter he doesn’t know at all
Whats in style? Whats fresh? Whats blingin?
Locks up the Mercedes hits the shopping mall singin
Day oh me say Daaaay oh
He’s a fan of Belafonte not Frusciante (who isn’t)
Thinks the chili peppers just belong in Picante
Cause thats what he gets served down south
So caliante it burns his mouth
But not hot like his fashion sense, he’s into playing golf not pitching tents
He’s looking for a birdie and he’s under par, I just slashed his tires and I keyed his car

Critical Jim
I’m searching for mountains in the prairies, I gave up the beef and I gave up the dairy
Nothings impossible only improbable, a man with no brakes – unstoppable!
Fuck that shit wack shit activist, walking around blasted, Mr. Multifaceted
Fuckin rights and I’m looking for a Mrs. But all I ever seem to get is hits or misses
Mad vicious my Christmas gift list is made of all sorts of funky gifts for misfits
I’ll spend a dime on yer mind, about as many times as I rhyme in this line (five!)

El Te Gringo
Let me end with my conclusion, mass confusion
More drunk than Slash on Use Your Illusion (I or II you choose)
Stumbling around and I’m staring at my sneakers
My fucking ears are ringing from the Albert’s speakers
Under my arm with a whole lotta love, Six red cans of luke warm Club
I got my offsale, I know a party, I’m gonna go there and steal Bacardi

Critical Jim
I got my hostages listen to my demands
True romance comes from a Budweiser king can
You love me when I’m drunk cause I spit the funk
But by the time I sober up you think that I’m bunk
No need for acting and max satisfacting (that’s right!)
I think that what you’re lacking is a thought with backing
You draw hearts and arrows from cupid
But if you ask me diving in the shallow end is stupid
Track Name: This Reggae Weighs A Tonne
This Reggae Weighs a Tonne

El Te Gringo
Critical is as Critical does, backpack full of beer as we roll past the fuzz
No intentions or misconceptions, peruse through the party looking for contraceptives
Just a truth addict sportin a head rush (eh Zack?)
Tryin to keep the real in reality without mush
Rooms are spinnin, Criticals’ grinnin so many fuckin losers that I think we’re winning
So be selective and choose with caution, the lifestyle choices that you make cause they’re often manipulated by the beer and whisky,
That leave you in the bathroom with a girl getting frisky
Don’t hesitate to make the choices that are right
Bounce out the back door and into the night
Unlock the bike and cruise outta sight, cause the one thing we need tonight is not a fight!

Oh you dance to my music and you sing my song
But you just don’t get it, you just don’t get it!
We’re living laughing loving and learning all night long
But in the morning you forget it so pfft. Forget it!

Critical Jim
My lapel, is covered in lipstick the color of hell
Do better than fail, be dead or in jail, or goto the place where the Excedrin sells
Let Critical Jim sing a cynical hymn, Invader Zim yeah he stole it from him
Ear to ear grin the opposite of tonic and gin
My foot on the floor, the room I got it to spin
Critical Jim and Dustin Karsin swim six beers deep in a random bar we’re in
Think we’re hot shit, living in the margins
Really just another jar of margarine
My minds is environmental science but at the same defiant to Y2K compliance
I sold all my appliances, its 2009 why are we alive?

El Te Gringo
Unlimited Gringo is on the loose, drinking Greygoose mixed with pamplemoose
Oooooh tastes so fruity maybe tonight I’m gonna score some booty!
Or maybe tonight I’m gonna leave the bar at 3,
drunk and rolling solo, searching for my bike key
The vendors closed and I’m all alone,
So I scroll through my contacts pondering who to phone
A true romantic, at last call I’m frantic,
I’m hangin at the Albert with a hooker and an addict
No need to panic diplomas on its way, its not forever I wanna live my life this way
Cause I got a goal of a cottage and a family,
A safe place where we can grow together happily
Cause I got one life to live
I’m gonna give all I got to give!

Time flies and I’m the pilot, find something to stand for and stand behind it
Or infront, the stage is not a paystub, you’re only as real as your face without the makeup
Track Name: Petty Cool
Petty Cool

Critical Jim
Do I rap no, I speak in simile as distant as Italy,
Or Sicily to be more specific,
I itch a sore every time I visit the norm,
I don’t lack the facts just mostly the form,
Your physicists lie, cause this is Gringo and I,
We not just two bitter guys were making lyrical finds

El Te Gringo
Do I rap, notice you won’t because you don’t care,
Straight from outer space and I don’t know how I got here,
Galactic flight I like to travel at night, at speeds faster sight, faster that light,
I was first brought here, to this planet you inhabit,
My mission was to manage possible further damage

Critical Jim
Do I rap yes, no I don’t even care, try to fit a round planet into a box that is square,
“Buyer Beware” this is Earth without warranty,
50 years time will we all be in quarantine? (try 5, if were lucky),

El Te Gringo
Do I rap yes, with little, less, or no stress,
This world is so precious that we all need to caress,

Critical Jim
And mankind’s progress is constantly set back by another fuckin dinosaur tryin to get his cheque cashed!

El Te Gringo
I’ve never seen a failed mission, other planets were successful,
When we started Earth it was progressive and confidential,
Majestic landscapes consisting of mountains, fresh water lakes, and cascading fountains,

Critical Jim
You know the grass grows greener with pesticides and chemicals,
But it doesn’t look good when your kid has six fingers and develops his tentacles,
Your yards a par three with command start for your mower attached to your car keys,

El Te Gringo
Now the humans have destroyed it, our most progressive mission,
Polluted the atmosphere with greenhouse gas emissions,
Left the biosphere to die and rot away,
Unlike the other planets they lived life day to day,

Critical Jim
Talk business and political conjugal visits,
Everyone’s in bed with each other no wonder we all have syphilis,

El Te Gringo
With no focus on the future, no plan to manage resources,
No concept of unity, like mutiny and divorces,

Critical Jim
A political bar star getting drunk on power,
My charge out rate is 176 thousand per deal gone sour,

El Te Gringo
So beam back the decision, Earth’s a failed mission,
Cause humans are filled with greed and self interested decisions
Track Name: Apa Khabar
Apa Khabar

Critical Jim
Go sing a song for Coca-Cola, be a ring tone for Motorola
I don’t think when I speak when I haven’t had a drink for week
Don’t make art, pay taxes for a water park, $76.50 for a seat to see me!

El Te Gringo
Could you buy my soul for a coupla bucks?
Put me up on the tube I could be sellin trucks
Reppin nature or nurture as I brainwash your kids
To replicate life through hockey fights and sk8 vids.

Apa khabar Apa khabar baik
Track Name: Silent March
Silent March

MC Blew
Ya don’t know, its Professor Plum, You ain’t got no clue where I come from
I grew up on the Muddy Banks, stereo blasting Shabba Ranks
Day? I’m up on the beach, but it seems to be concrete
Cause I’m in the Peg City on the streets, and I know that that’s where I be cause
I’m skatin, and I’m waitin, never ever ever ever debatin’
Where I’m going to and where I am or what I am I am I am

El Te Gringo
I want two pints of beer, two shots of whisky
Tip the bartender so when I’m gone she’ll miss me
Deliver half the booze over to Critical Jim
We throw the shots back and let the party begin!
And now ya may notice that we’re yellin and screamin
We’re both hard of hearin both sick of loading gear in
That’s why we started a rap group, I no longer need to play just cue up the drum loop
Cause Rebel Yell strolls with no goals, like skiing with no poles
Or camping in a tent with bad holes
It’s not right to make you turn on the light
To kill the mosquito that’s been annoying you all night
We fuckin buzz in yer ear! Tell you all the shit you never wanted to hear
We’re so fuckin majestic, ya fuckin with us we suggest ya get tested!

Critical Jim
I never wanted to be a child soldier, I just wanted to be who I am
If freedom is the expansion of choices, then you can call me the Son of Sam
My mother said I was big the day I was born
But now I’m movin on to even larger forms
For breakfast I eat my cheerios in the lake
For lunch I eat with the planets out in outer outer space
For dinner I eat off the tectonic plates
Then an evening snack of what inspires Jack Kerouac
The laws of economics state I’m in a crisis
Supply of the product not reflected in its prices
External eternal effects on the environment
Should make the price of gas so high it’ll ruin your retirement
Admire it as your mode of production gets burned in the firepit
Burn Baby Burn! Crisis and observation the only way we learn
I don’t like this hard hat, gimme back my starter cap
I don’t like this cognac gimme back the contract
I miss the Laundromat I miss the smell
I miss her bra straps I miss her tell
Don’t feed me misinformation, just to further our conversation
Pathetic ethics, inhibit your development
Using big words makes me sound intelligent uhh!

El Te Gringo
I gotta boom box made of plastic, I blast it
Run around spastic so fuckin classic
Everything from rap, reggae to soul
The Beach Boys and Marley to some Rock n Roll
I gotta diverse selection that helps relieve tension
And “Shout at the Devil” gets an honorable mention
That’s why I sat in detention and wrote a reflection about why I shouldn’t mention
All the flaws in the system,
if they’re a bad influence maybe you should dismiss them
Or enlist them into the whole fuckin program and move em to the fringes
With crack ditches where no bandages could ever stop them from bleeding
A slow and painful process like the hairline receding
Track Name: Stop Thinking, Start Drinking
Stop Thinking, Start Drinking

El Te Gringo
Czech it
I’m outta date like a two line pass, you can catch me slammin OE’s, doin midnight mass
I used to sit at the back of the class
I used to smoke a lot of weed but now they puff puff and I pass

Critical Jim
Sometime I rap fast, sometimes I rap slow
My flow is so phat (sic) that I can’t see my toes!

El Te Gringo
Oh no! My flow is ridiculous!
I hope P Diddy does a fuckin remix of this!

Critical Jim
I hope he doesn’t cause it’s not in his budget
But if he does, fuck it, I want my cut of it!

El Te Gringo
Lets slam a 40, go boating, I’m gloating
I just did some mushrooms I feel like I’m floating

Critical Jim
No you’re not, you just smoked alotta pot
And guess what I’m a cop so you’re life is fuckin shot!

El Te Gringo
Oohh bang bang There goes my pistol I’m a little dirty but my wine glass is crystal
I drink booze and peruse through settings
Getting more drunk than a fuckin Christian wedding

Critical Jim
I’d rather have a few phalanges sandwiches than listen to your menial Malliacal anguishes

El Te Gringo
We’ll take ya home with a face full of bandages
You’ll wonder where ya are when you wake up in Los Angeles

Critical Jim
Or not wake up at all like you had a trip and a fall
You know next time not to walk till you can crawl
And its gonna take the man in me to conquer this anatomy
Its gonna be insanity it’s the bonfire of the vanities!

El Te Gringo
I paid the piper, he shat his diaper, I’m more fucked up than the clock tower sniper
But I kill brain cells not humans or people, and I promote a lifestyle that’s fair and equal

Critical Jim
I’m not speaking I’m rappin in (parentheses), hittin bold italics and underscoring panties
So live it up, be nimble and thimble
While me and Gringo mingle with the women that are single (or not)
Track Name: The Roadhouse Blues
The Roadhouse Blues

El Te Gringo
Red Blanket gets rave reviews and all we do is sit around and drink the booze
An experimental group comin straight off the streets
Half the congregation don’t eat the meat
We like to think, eat, drink, sleep and don’t forget the ladies
You’ll find me on the dancefloor rockin to the 80’s
Or recovering in bed, I was so damn drunk I can’t remember what I said
I think I said I loved you, I didn’t really mean it
I should get back on the dancefloor they’re rockin to beat it
Cause I can moonwalk pretty well after a couple of drinks
Look at my moves I don’t care what this chick thinks!
Critical Jim
If it’s the last chance at the romance dance
Then I’mma get fuckin liquored and piss my pants
because I drink like I drive but not at the same time
Cause a namesake of mine wound up dyin
If its affordable drinks then you know I’m gonna bury ya
You wake up in the morning with a case of malaria
On a whim Te and Critical Jim outta this place
With a grin I say swim the sharks and then embrace!

El Te Gringo
Jump in the taxi and say Sa sika!
He says “how ya doin” then I say Tika!
I learned Punjabi from a fellow compadre
Holy fuck no homey man this is a one way!
My house is just up the street to the right
581 the roadhouse with the red light
Just hit the beerstore everythings allright
You can come on in, we’ll be partying all night

Critical Jim
Cut the chase it’s 3am and no one parents us
Crack open a beer and zooms’ already embarrassed us
I love the fuckin guy and he writes great riffs (he forgets them and I steal em)
Shit I kick myself everytime I throw him a diss
But this is Christmas this chick named Krista
Is givin me kisses like I was away and she missed us
But I don’t care I won’t sell out my friend
Cause she won’t be and he’ll be there in the end (aaahhh!)

El Te Gringo
And now all these drinks add up at once
And I haven’t been this fucked in a coupla months
And the toilets lookin better than it ever damn did
Its even lookin better than my best friend Syd (that’d be a lady!)
And I should just sit back maybe have a cup of water
Don’t look like Bobowski he’s a fuckin goner! (Leroy!)
Vitamin A, C, D move on to multivitamins
Wake up in the morning and do it all again!

Track Name: Vegetable Beats
Vegetable Beats

Critical Jim
Talk taste, talk about alotta waste, lets meet face to face and find a common place
It’s after a natural disaster and TV captured it all with laughter
Or entertainment a mission statement, claiming that it isn’t fate that
Made you famous and made you gain this self-proclaiming shit that’s shameless
And my gun is aimless, but painless no, cause it’ll hurt like a stainless steel toe
For now, but I gotta go, cause I gotta pee like L,M,N,O
So, here I go, drive in my vehicle, waste gas so fast its unbelievable
I’m in and outta lanes like an Olympic Skier, music so loud its like a fuckin home theatre
I’m running outta gas cause it s 10 bucks a liter
Shit is getting hot like I’m turning up my heater!

El Te Gringo
Oohh burn oh I meant psych!
They should pay me salary for riding my bike
I’d be rich or I’d die tryin, and that’s one album that I won’t be buyin
I’ll Start lying I was shot ten times, I’ll go on tour I’ll forget my rhymes
I’ll come home drink Bourbon at Times (Change(D))
you’ll catch me in the bathroom snortin them lines
“No you won’t I’m a devout Christian, once on tour now it’s my mission
To spread the word, the word of the bible” If I go crazy? “I’m not liable!”
Back to the bathroom high as a kite, I wanna smoke a joint but I can’t find a light
I guess I’ll pass, I’ll pass tonight, cause Vogan’s outside and he’s starting a fight!

Critical Jim
I hid all my wealth so I don’t contradict myself
There’s nothing worse than putting your foot in yer mouth
Keepin it real like I lie, cheat and steal
Eatin veal and getting vegan appeal
A little hypocritical since the umbilical
That’s me, I’m Jim Critical, or Critical Jim whatever fuckin mood I’m in
Gimme some gin!
Wack shit, comin cause I practiced it, that’s it, I think I just mastered it!
Classic another asshole has it, rappin about himself and how he’s so fantastic
I hate that shit, what is it, image?
He calls himself The Game but he’s really a scrimmage? (Don’t shoot!)
When is he finished? I’m ready to start
Cue me in with anything I’ll tear em apart
I’ve seen it all before, it’s on MTV, It’s more common than an STD
It’s more copied than a blank CD, and thats the next place it’ll probably be
Cause no one wants to pay for that shit, admit it
it’s just another part of the counterfeit infinite
3 minutes, that’s all that it took, and now you’re a slave to page in my rhyme book
By the way I stole that line (no shit, you stole that one too!)

Strings on an acoustic tell me what to do
Like find a cigarette for you, sublime minds redefine lines
Read about it in a copy of high times
But not me not in a minute, cause if I did then I’d forget that I did it.
I don’t smoke weed but I like the smell of it
I like booze but I wish I was celibate (nnn…that’s a big lie)
Just for the hell of it lets get irrelevant, and find out what a lack of intelligence is
Some kids, broke into my car, fucked with everything, stole my guitar
But little did they know, the thing was cursed
They made million dollars and their fuckin appendix burst!
How’s that for karma?
Now I’m charged with karma and doin harm to
Some woman that I let in my Honda
A statement sent, saying she never gave consent
I thought that’s what that payment meant
Confused and used it was all the booze, at least that’s my wife’s excuse
Well enough bluffing and fuckin Tom Foolery
I’m going to this chicks house and I’m stealin all her jewelry
I went to the house met face to face with the spouse
He knocked me out I said “Forget about it!”
I went home and spanked it to Red Blanket, put the CD back on the shelf and I thanked it
Girl with an anklet, telling me different, newspapers printin a misprint
In an instant, letter to the editor, sent that shit back home, get it all better hoooooooo!
Track Name: Smokin with the Windows Up
Smokin with the Windows Up

Critical Jim
Tired of speakin and letting my brain leakin
Spent Monday morning summin up my weekend (Guy at the jobsite with all the stories!
Started off with a lot of scotch, a few blindspots
And blindfolds and searching for women’s soft spots
Well not really, but I wish it did, my coworkers don’t know that I’m just a little kid
But one day I’ll find my level, a chip on each shoulder about the size of a pebble
Labor hater, friend of Max Weber, I’ll touch you with the invisible hand later (it’s a fist!)
Can’t you smell the smoke in the wind? Hey my friend CD release next weekend!

You can tell by the sweat forming on my armpits that I gotta pocket full of guitar picks
Tooth bit lip and calloused fingertips, gives me away like the wind on a toupee (remix!)
Smooth as a bruise, smooth as the magazines you pretend to peruse
Born to lose, you’re never gonna get, go write a hit song get drunk and you forget it
That’s why we’re drunk when we record, nothing gets lost just gets thrown overboard
More often than not, I guess I gotta deal with the coffin I bought

El Te Gringo
And you can tell from the way that the Gringo mingles
That he’s interested in other things than just hit singles
There’s no need for another fuckin catchy jingle
That’ll be gone faster than a can of Pringles
Oooh boy not now, no it’s never gonna happen
See Gringo on the tube sellin shoes while I’m rappin
Hell no yet, gotta wait a couple years
Till this Rebel Yell shit conforms you and your peers
Coupla beers, big rears and some white tailed deers
All I need in my life no need to focus on careers
Ooh boy step back, got no need to attack
I say bring the troops home, get em out of Iraq
Fuckin crap makes me sad, situations getting bad
As I worry about the future and my best friends dad
He’s all suited up, keeping peace, thought control
Mind police, never know whats comin next
Burn the books of ancient text, lock the door
Hide the key, represent society, gotta lie, gotta cheat
Never goin to admit defeat, still we must prosper through
Create a world for me and you, unify the positive, a great place for our kids to live
Tell your mom, tell your dad, spread the word, start a fad
The world is changing and you can to, so make the change cause it starts with you!

Critical Jim
I can’t see out my windows, I’m driving blind
I’m looking in the rearview hoping what’s in front is what’s behind
And for that the girls love me, not because I’m sexy but because I’m butt ugly
And I wear my steeze on my sleeve
That way they don’t know the mysterious is really make believe
Straight cheeze, taught like the birds and bees
Maybe she’s born with it, or maybe it’s Maybelline
Soma coma, rancid aroma, been with me since I dishwashed at Tony Roma’s
Got my diploma drank alotta rum and coca-cola
Figured out the things that make me sick as the Ebola
Low-carb foods, tattooed steroid dudes, chicks with fake boobs
Speak to me so rude, you drink enough booze and you’re in front of me nude
I’d rather be glued to the tube to believe the evening news
Now I used to make people piss their pants with laughter
And Now I’m washed up and I’m using the catheter
A laugh track chorus, so hard to ignore us
When the four labels force your entertainment to endorse us (Beware of the Musical Industrial Complex!)
Technology, I’m your mother, if I don’t get you it’s your sister and your brother
You pay me enough money and I’ll sing your song
It takes two players to ping the pong

Dire straits, I’m reaching Armageddon
In bed and fucked up like John Lennon, but Yoko Ono is nowhere near my side
Instead I got Britney Spears feeding me gravy and fries
Why do I align every celebrity with a friend of mine?
Comfort finds me when I find that your palms are just as sweaty as mine
How many hours have I spent a labor love aching in joy over what you have done?
But now I’m done, I’m done with the living legend
Put this motherfucker at a counter at a 7-11
Give me a reverend give this man his last rites
Before I tape this and put it on entertainment tonight
Goodnight, I’ll see you all again
Knock on wood, see if it’s hollow before you call it your friend.